Thursday, December 23, 2010

Worst Gig Ever | Rock and Roll In Croatia

Second in my Worst Gig Ever series goes to a rock show in Kutina Croatia. The people of Kutina were gracious, mostly. The fans loved our band. They loved us too much, if you ask me. Why is it part of my Worst series? Let me present the evidence.

Stale Bread and Chicken Parts for the Band

We knew that we were not going to get all the items on our performance rider. We don't expect that to happen every night. Two loaves of old bread, and a case of Tuborg Gold was waiting for us in the "dressing room." Outside, they were frying chicken parts in a shallow garbage can lid over an open fire. That was our dinner.

Rats in the Club

The couches needed to be pounded out before anyone sat on them. Rats tended to move in when the club was closed. A good kicking rousted a couple of rats from the couch, but nobody was brave enough to sit on it afterwords.

Drug Sniffing Dogs Sweep Through the Club

Once the local authorities got word that an American band was playing in their town, they dispatched drug sniffing dogs to the club to make sure that we weren't bringing the worst of what America has to offer. No drugs were found. After the near strip search at the border, it was a guarantee that we had no contraband.

Violent Rock Fans

Even with two bouncers on either side of the stage, I didn't quite make it through the show unscathed. A fan spun out from the mosh pit, tripped onto the stage and took out half of my drum set. Our singer got popped in the teeth when his microphone was kicked into his mouth. He stood on the microphone stand for the rest of the night. Our bass player was smart enough to kick people out of her way. Girls can get away with that move.
Our driver/merch guy caught someone trying to steal an empty cd case. When he grabbed the guys arm, the thief spun around and head butted him in the mouth. A scuffle broke out, but it was quickly broken up.

Passports Confiscated at Bullet Riddled Hotel

No matter what anyone tells you, do not give up your passports to anyone, unless it's four a.m. and you are being bullied by a 6'4" 300 hotel operator. If that's what's keeping you from your warm bed, by all means give him what he wants.
I counted the bullet holes in the lobby ceiling. I pointed them out to our guide, and he said "someone must have gotten excited." Just then, a woman with legs hairier than mine walked over with an espresso.

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